Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Callie Isabella Kendrick -- Birth Story

I still can't believe it's been two weeks! It really seems like just yesterday and yet it seems like she has been a part of our family forever! We love, love, love her! She's the sweetest little angel!  

Monday, April 25th 2016 
I felt kind of different all day, almost like I had a cold coming or so. Deacon and I spent the whole day taking it easy, taking naps, cuddling and reading stories. I had tried to make most our days about us for the last couple weeks because I knew how quick things would change! 
So for FHE I planned a little picnic dinner on the floor while we watched the minion movie! Another Deacon date with mommy and Daddy. 
During the movie- around 7 pm, I noticed some pink when I wiped. So I thought huh, maybe my mucus plug! But I really didn't think it would happen anytime soon, because I've heard it doesn't always mean you'll go into labor. 
Then as the night progressed I started noticing more blood and each time it got darker. I told Brett once the movie was over we should run to Walmart for a car seat headrest- just in case!! 
Note- I obviously didn't think I was gonna come until my due date because I still hadn't figured out our car seat :) 
We got home and there was more blood so I text my midwife. 
"I don't know if it's anything to get excited about but I think I lost my mucus plug" 
She asked me about the color and then told me it's a good sign that the cervix is thinning, to call her if I had any contractions and to try to rest! 

It didn't sound like it would happen tonight so we went to bed. At 3 am I woke up with contractions, they were keeping me up for a while so I started timing them and they were five minutes apart. In fact I had 3 contractions that were 5 minutes apart and then they went to 3 minutes apart, then 1 minute apart. They were bearable, I just breathed through them while my boys slept right next to me :) 
Once they were 1 minute apart I woke up Brett. That was also one of the rules- if you had contractions for an hour at night to call the midwife. 

So I asked Brett if we should call, he started timing contractions for me and they were 1 minute apart. It was funny because I'd feel fine and tell him "let's not call her yet, I'm not sure it's real" and then a contraction would come and it would feel like much more pressure with each one and I'd say "okay- let's call her, hurry" haha so I went back and forth for a good 10 minutes. 

Finally we called Cyndi- my midwife- and told her they were a minute apart and she said "yeah- I'll see you in ten minutes" 

7 cm dialated, breathing through contraction!
Note- I was smiling for the camera and Brett told
me to focus so it looked like I was in labor!! 
Just a side note- with Deacon my water broke at 6 am and I felt it was perfect- I was rested, it was morning. So this time around I really wanted things to start in the morning because I didn't want to leave Deacon in the middle of the night and have him wake up to mom and dad gone. I had said that my whole pregnancy so when I was contracting for an hour- all I wanted to do was keep waiting till 6 or 7 in the morning so I could wake him up and he wouldn't be so emotional about waking up to the neighbors. 

Anyways- we took about an hour to get to the Birthsweet- the birthing center- because I showered and took my sweet time. Also because D woke up and got pretty emotional :(
 I was so sad but he quickly went back to sleep! We have the best neighbors!!! I'm so glad we're friends and D and Eli get along so well! 


So we get to the Birthsweet around 5 and Cyndi starts prepping the IV for the group B strep. My contractions were now closer and getting more and more intense. In between contractions we were talking, laughing, and I kept saying how it didn't seem like the real thing. I kept waiting for more intensity, more pain, more something! 

When Cyndi was all ready she told me she didn't think we'd have time to get the medicine to the baby since my contractions were so close. 
"This baby is coming really soon"  
But it didn't feel soon to me, it didn't even feel real to me! Either way Cyndi checked me for dialation and I told her to please not tell me if I wasn't past a 4 because that'd make me so sad! She checked me and I was already at a 7 and I had only been there an hour!!

Finally, the pool was ready -yeah, did I mention the tub wasn't even full when I got there? I was not gonna do this without the tub! I planned my whole pregnancy to be able to get in and relax. Water is a huge safety for me, so I knew I had to have it! Thank goodness it filled up in time!- 
I got in the tub around 6 am and my contractions were getting more and more intense. I also started feeling super nauseous! It was the worst. Besides being nauseous, most of the time in the tub, I was talking in between contractions, laughing, Brett was making jokes- he even said "we could've brought Deacon, you're so calm" 
It didn't feel real, I just kept telling them, "I don't feel like I'm having a baby, it doesn't feel real."  

Most of my birthing time was spent like this. Contractions would come and I would lean over and Brett would help me breathe and relax. I'm still impressed with how well I handled it. I could feel them get more intense and the baby making her way down. It was more and more pressure and it would move lower and lower with each contraction. 

I started getting more and more loud- we learned at the Hypnobabies class that it helps to do low moaning noises to relax everything. High pitch noises- tense everything up. Low moans- relax everything! 

Anyways- I started getting more loud and panicky because they were getting hard. I asked Cyndi if she could feel her because it felt like she was right there, ready to come! Sure enough she was! I was at a 10 with no cervix- Cyndi told me to start pushing with my next contractions. I didn't feel pushy- but I did anyway with my next two contractions and nothing happened. 

Cyndi then had me flip over to break my water, so I flipped, and Brett held onto my arms. As soon as she broke my water everything got 10 times more real. It was time to have this baby and the pain had finally gotten here. Brett asked me if I wanted to flip over and all I could say was "please don't let go of me" 
I kid you not when I say I wasn't feeling pain until then, it was mostly pressure, mostly intensity but not pain- not till now. 
I could feel everything. It was the worst, hardest pain in the world. No one can prepare you for that. And with each contraction and each push it got worse. That's usually when people say you want to give up- and I did. I didn't think I could do it, I was scared to push. That ring of fire is real- it will knock your socks off. 

I got a little frantic and told her I couldn't push or I would poop in the tub! Ha but Cyndi told me you're not pooping, it's your baby! 

So I pushed with one contraction, started feeling like giving up, pushed again, started getting really loud and then my brain was done- it was like I couldn't do it any longer. Until Brett said "I can see her, she's right there babe" and I somehow mustered the strength, the courage, to give one last push and our perfect little baby was born! 

Our little Callie was born! 

Brett literally held me by my arms as I floated in the water and delivered our baby. It was so powerful to have done it together. He coached me and helped me the entire time. It was mostly us, my midwife and her assistant helped reassure me during the process but mostly it was just us. I loved that, it was exactly what I always dreamed birth would be like.





 

I have never felt more adrenaline, more endorphins or more accomplished than at that moment. It was the most beautiful feeling- having this perfect little baby in my arms made it all worth it. We felt so close to heaven and we both felt so emotional. I still can't believe I did that. I still feel like it was a dream. This birth was even better than I had imagined it to be. It was so much more amazing than I ever thought it could be. It was so perfect. 

After what seemed like the most perfect 5 minutes or so- we got out of the tub and laid in bed. We loved on Callie while Cyndi checked her vitals. 

My body was still contracting and I was still burning down there because my placenta hadn't been delivered yet- so I handed Callie to Brett so I could be done with the pain. Once my placenta was delivered and I rinsed off, the pain was all gone! I felt nothing! I felt normal, I could walk, I showered. It was the best! 

Then we snuggled Callie for a couple hours. It was pure heaven. My favorite moments. She nursed, and we just enjoyed quiet peaceful moments with her. No one around, just us three. Just us. It was perfect. ❤️ 

I delivered at 7:19am and we got to go home around 10 o clock to an eager big brother! It still feels like a dream, the best dream. I can't believe it was almost two weeks ago, it feels like just yesterday! 
First family picture 

Callie Isabella Kendrick  6.10oz 19 inches long 
Born at 7:19 am April 26th 2016

Total birthing time- 4 hours 

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Mountains to Climb

Let's just say that the last 5 weeks have been hard. Heartbreakingly, too many emotions, hard. I've been working with a mentor and trying to finally release many emotions from the past, which has been amazing. Well, it's been amazing, frustrating, confusing, exciting and most of all, hard.
I think I've cried enough to fill buckets, and I've had some real, raw and some unpleasant emotions but I've also found so much strength inside of me to change and to grow. I've grown so much in the past 5 weeks, it's amazing to see the differences in my life. 
I'm so happy! 

I've been listening to Beautiful Heartbreak from Hilary Weeks. 
Go listen, it's amazing. It perfectly describes my feelings about change and heartbreak. 

I think I've learned more of what Heavenly Father has wanted me to learn these past 5 weeks. Sometimes, people make decisions that hurt us, sometimes we make mistakes, sometimes we don't strive to be a little bit better and sometimes we suffer because of this imperfect world we live in. I've learned that the hard mountains we have to climb are for our good.
 They help us grow. 


It's through them that we truly change, with sweat and tears we climb those mountains- whether they're big or small- and once at the top, we find renewed understanding. We find peace, we find comfort, we find true joy. We then realize The Lord is at the top of the mountain and He can see our struggling and fears as we climb up the mountain. 
We realize that He can't go down the mountain and do it for us because we have so many things to discover on our journey to Him. 
So He sends angels, He sends friends to lift you up- to walk a couple steps with you. 
He sends mentors to help you with the really hard switch backs, he sends a companion (my Brett in my case) to lift you and carry you and be a shoulder to cry on, he sends sweet friends and neighbors to say just the words you need to hear. 
He sends friends who are going through their own trials, to lift you and bring you flowers. 
He inspires family to reach out and tell you just the words you need to hear. 
He inspires a priesthood leader to say a prayer that is perfectly designed for you. 

Then when you finally reach the top, and take His hand, you realize just how much He was by your side. Just how much He loves you and wants what's best for you

Those moments where you felt scared and overwhelmed, He gave you peace and comfort. The moments when you just needed someone to listen to everything, He listened. The moments when you didn't think you could handle one more thing, He sent extra love and care through your family. 


You see, He is always there. He's reaching out to you, just like he's been reaching out to me, every day in many different ways. 
The more I seek Him, the more I find Him. The more I pray, the more my prayers are answered. 
I'm so, so grateful for my mountains to climb, as hard, lonely, and overwhelming as it might have felt, I now know even better... That I do have a Savior, who performed an atonement for me, that covers all my weaknesses, all my burdens, all my pain. It's not just for those who sin, it's for all of us. The atonement can be used everyday! How grateful I am for this renewed knowledge❤️ 
I'm so grateful, The Lord gives me mountains to climb. However hard and unwanted they might seem, I'm grateful because it's how we truly grow. We taste the bitter, so we can know the sweet! 
And oh how sweet it is to truly feel an abundance of joy as we remember The Lord in all things. ❤️❤️

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Pumpkin seeds

Today was kind of a crazy day. We had one too many things planned for the day so we were all kind of Hangry and stressed. 
I hate being in a hurry. There's nothing more frustrating than feeling like you're gonna be late or not going to have enough time. 
So while at Cosco, Deacon was restless and hungry. Poor boy. 
To Deacon:
With our tummy issues we can't really stop and grab something easy, so after shopping I handed you the pumpkin seeds you were  begging for. 

So funny but you didn't want a handful, you wanted the whole, entire bag to sit on your lap. 
After an entire trip to Cosco, you finally giggled and smiled. I turned around probably too bugged for the situation. (I'm not pleasent when hungry!) and you had one pumpkin seed just hanging out in your nose. You were probably double fisting those seeds  like usual and didn't even notice. 
Even when we pointed it out you didn't seem to care. You were just happy to be in your carseat with your seeds :) 
You are joy! 

Helping Mama

The best little dude in all the land. He has the sweetest, funniest personality.
Today was a good day. He held my hand lots to guide me places and helped me on the yard.
I was pretty accomplished today, I did a lot and once D woke up from a nap, I still had lots of time before dinner so I decided to finally clean the back patio. 
We had leaves from the fall just hanging out.. :( oops! 
So I raked them and put them in a garbage bag. My favorite part of being a mom is teaching and doing things with Deacon. So I taught him to pull weeds, probably a good thing that's all we got back there because he was just pulling out everything. :) 
He picked up plenty of leaves for me. He's such a little helper. If I'm sweeping, he grabs the dust pan, if I'm wiping something, he wants his own rag. It's so fun to have a little shadow. 
We filled a big garbage bag and I tied it up, and D being the big helper he is, tried so so hard to pull the big bag of leaves. He's such a hard working little man. The bag was twice his size but he did manage to slide it for a minute. 
That's when I realized how much he likes to help. How much he wants to be involved, it just warms my heart. 
Lately I've been too focused on one too many things, too many problems- problems that aren't even my own. 
Watching Deacon today reminded me I need to slow down. I need to breathe fresh air, help others and work hard. 
I'm so blessed to have this sweet soul that teaches me everyday. He's the very best. 


Sunday, April 5, 2015

Spring Break :)


My familia had spring break this week and what better place to go than sunny St George? They also brought Deacon down, back to me!!! I missed him sooo much! 


         First things first- DIXIE ROCK 



                      POOL DAY 
It was freezing at first but after a couple laps and volleyball, it was so much fun. Deacon loved the water, he wanted to swim by himself the whole time haha 


Nothing I love more... These boys and swimming! 


           ZIONS NATIONAL PARK 



    Think he got enough?? This dude, he had a blue-ish tint to his face the rest of the day! 




I LOVE this lady! She's my favorite, my champion, my mama! I'm so grateful for her, for everything she does for me and my sweet family! She loves my Deacon like her own! 








Living the good life! Didn't have to walk one step!!! 


                     FAMILY SELFIE 


         These boys are my world! 




Daddy is teaching him young, always pick a lady flowers, everywhere you go! 















Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Getaway right here close


Brett and I had the best day/ best date in a while! We're headed to a Convention tomorrow so my mom has Deacon. On our way back to Logan we decided to stop and explore. We ate at a little cafe in Nephi and found some swim suits. Brett's professor told him about some hot pots in Nephi out in the middle of no where... And it really was in the middle of nowhere, it was so beautiful and fun! 


It was a lot deeper than it looks, clear and blue! 





We just spent the day swimming and splashing and exploring. It was so much fun. We took a dip in both of the warmer springs- it was so fun to run from one to another. Just a beautiful day, just me, my cutie and nature!