I'm enough❤️

A little while ago Brett had a day off, a day where we had daddy all to ourselves! We woke up late, and cuddled, enjoyed doing nothing until D woke up from his nap. As soon as he woke up we started rushing around because we wanted to do as many things as we could that day, so we got our things and left. 

In the hurry of it all I forgot to feed Deacon, I know proud mom moment right? Ha but I'm weaning, or trying to, whatever it is we're doing. So I didn't want to nurse and figured we could grab some rice and beans on the way. Being indecisive and like usual I didn't voice my opinion until the last second. So then we only had a sonic right by the Science Museum. We ordered and I ended up getting Deacon a grilled cheese, and my mama heart was disappointed at myself the rest of the time we ate. I just didn't even want to think how much grease or what kind of gross fake cheese or the fact that I just ordered a kids meal at a fast food joint for my one year old. I felt so gross. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm proud-- well a little bit embarrased-- to say I crave Mc Donald's more than it's normal. I mean, who doesn't love those salty fries, a coke and a plain cheeseburger! 

But those things are fine for me to eat, not my baby. I don't know, I know it's silly. Very silly. Brett just thought I was being ridiculous, and I was. 

Here's what's up though. The last couple weeks we've bounced from Oklahoma to Utah, and then back to Oklahoma. Then bow we've moved cities and my whole world doesn't feel very stable. All this moving and I'm trying to take the one thing Deacons always known and loved, nursing. 

So it's been very hard on me and on him.  So to see him eating a grilled cheese and one too many pouches of fruits and vegetables a day kind of makes me crazy. 

It makes me crazy because I'm not doing my best. 

And here's where my brain is really confused. I'm absolutely doing the best I can do with what I have and everything that's going on, but my heart knows that if I weren't a little bit crazy right now, It'll all be a little different. 

 He'd have his high chair, we'd eat good, clean meals, I'd make him green drinks, we'd eat some Oreos after I somehow convinced him to drink milk and I wouldn't eat so much junk. 

Don't get me wrong, we're junk food lovers. I'd be so excited to give him his first grilled cheese, if it weren't for the fact that we've had way too much junk food this summer. Try eating McD's all the time and I promise you'll swear it off for at least a good month. :) 

I've had lots of up and down moments these past couple weeks. The bad moments, I always knock myself down and tell myself I'm not doing good enough or that I'm not being a good mom. 

Then the other day as I was trying to be a "good mom" and just say no and let him cry it out when all he wanted was to nurse- a soft little voice came to me and whispered,

          "you're a good mom simply         because you are a mom."

All of a sudden I had the strongest feeling that I am a good mom, and the mom who feeds her child fast food is a good mom too. The mom that chooses all organic, the mom that bottle feeds, the one that breast feeds, the working mom, the stay at home mom. We're all good moms, simply because we do this job every day and night, 24-7, the best way we know how. 

I can't tell you how many times The Lord teaches me about life as I raise a tiny one but I've learned so much. Most of all, through this experience and others I've learned that we're all just doing our best here. My best is different than your best but it's still my best. We just need to love more and encourage each other more because this job, this calling, this role, is the hardest and comes with lots of insecurities and learning, in a world that's so quick to judge. 

To any mamas who have been on this same boat... YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. 

                 You are enough. 

Please forgive me and all other mamas who have passed judgement or have made you feel like you're not. 

I'm tired of hearing that voice that tells me I'm not enough because of my current state. I'm good enough because I have potential. 

I'm a great mother because I strive to be! 

Also, when this tiny holds me and loves me and gives me kisses and smiles, I know I'm a good mom. He will never tell me otherwise.  Because in their eyes, we're their whole world.